I feel like I need to do this in order to get some sort of closure because I keep flip flopping about how I feel about everything. I’ve known him for around three years now and ever since the day I met him, there’s just been something - this spark between us - that I’ve never felt with anyone else.
We’ve dated long distance on and off over the years, and there are times where we got lost, but we’ve always managed to find our way back to each other. In my mind there’s always been Aryeh and Ketzia - we were each others’ soul-mates. He’s the only boy I have ever truly loved - forever and always.
Our relationship recently had been going great. We talked every day and I’ve been counting down the days until I can go to Israel and be in his arms. Then suddenly on Sunday he texts me - he wants to break up.
I never thought I’d know what it feels like to have someone stab me in the chest and twist the knife.
My world has pretty much crashed. Everything I had and had ever wanted was with Aryeh. When I thought about my future, I saw him there with me. And now everything - well it’s just all gone. And despite us always getting back together, this time I can feel it, he’s really done with it - this, us, me.
And it hurts, it really does. I’m a guarded person and it took a lot to let him in. I realize now that it was a mistake and I should have been more careful with my heart, but I can’t regret my relationship with Aryeh. “Better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all.”
Turns out he actually cheated on me, again, and although I know I should be mad…really I’m not. Long distance is hard, and while women are more emotional with love, men need physical attachment. I’m honestly impressed with how long he lasted. I don’t feel stupid or naive for trusting him, I feel as though I have learned how to be more careful with who I decide to trust.
If anything I respect him for breaking it off now instead of waiting until I got to Israel to tell me he wasn’t interested in me anymore.
A lot of people have been so wonderful to me today. Laurel made me the most incredible mix CD (of both happy and sad playlists) Adanna was so sweet looking out for me, Jamie was worried and Jonathan was waiting for me outside each one of my classes ready with a hug. Even my math teacher sat me down and tried to cheer me up.
Losing Aryeh hurts, but with all my work due in the next few weeks, I don’t have time to wallow in sadness. As hard as it is, I need to pick up all my broken pieces and find some duct tape to hold it all together for a little while longer. I can cry all I want during the summer.
Everyone, especially my friend Mindy, was right. This is just a road bump. High school relationships never last and one day I’m going to look back at all this and laugh. I’m going to find a man who loves and respects and trusts me and this will all be a very distant memory.
I love Aryeh, I think there’s always going to be a special place in my heart for him. And hey, maybe one day we can actually be good friends like we used to be again. Who knows. Just because I saw my life going in one direction doesn’t mean I need to shut down when it starts to take me down a different path. It’s all on the pursuit of happiness.
And ya, sure, things may suck now, but they’ll get better. Time heals all wounds.
Every little thing is gonna be alright.
Aryeh Kaufman
not even going to bother pretending tomorrow, no fake smile and no “im okay” ….if anyone asks why im crying; “fuck off” shall be my way of dealing with things
I just don’t get how you can be missing me like crazy one day and then pretty much ignore me for the next two
Your mood swings are kinda giving me whiplash
